By Kirsty Richards DipHomNZ
Having a new baby is usually a joyous occasion for the parents and extended family.
However, for an older child (or children), it can provoke some feelings of jealousy and
insecurity.
It can be hard to predict how your older child will react to their new sibling, but there
are things you can do to make this new phase of your family’s life as smooth and easy as possible.
As soon as practicable, start talking to your older child about the arrival of your new baby. Explain to them in age-appropriate language, about what is happening, why Mom’s stomach is growing, and what to expect as the pregnancy progresses.
Perhaps get them involved in setting up the nursery, and get them a new item of bedding or something for their room so they don’t feel left out.
To minimize the stress your child might experience once the new baby comes, think ahead. If your child will need to change rooms or move out of the crib so that your new baby can use it, do this before the new baby is born. It will give your older child a chance to get used to the new setup before dealing with the other changes associated with the new baby’s arrival. If you’re not having a home birth or don’t want your other children present for the birth, arrange for childcare during labor and delivery, and explain the plan to your child.
When the new baby arrives, gently introduce the older child to the baby and make sure they get plenty of cuddles and interaction. Consider giving your older child a gift that’s from the baby — such as a T-shirt that says big brother or big sister — to celebrate the new baby’s arrival.
How children react can vary depending on their age. Children under two won’t really understand what is happening, so read stories about families or find programmes to watch that have older and younger siblings.
Older children may be more reluctant to share attention with a newborn, and will need
plenty of reassurance. Consider giving them a doll to take care of, and explain to them a new baby needs lots of attention but they’re still loved and important. Remind your older child that he or she has an important role to play now, too — that of big brother or big sister.
Don’t be alarmed if you find the older child reverts back to more childish behavior after the arrival of a new baby — such as by having toilet training accidents, drinking from a bottle or asking to be carried to bed. There’s no need to punish the child or make a big deal about it.
They just want to be sure they have your attention and should grow out of this behavior quickly.
Regardless of your older child’s age, make sure that he or she gets plenty of individual attention from you and other family members once your baby arrives. Keeping the child included as much as possible is key. For example, if you’re taking lots of pictures or videos, be sure to include your older child, too. Take some pictures or videos of him or her alone, as well as with the new baby.
If, despite your best efforts, your older child is still showing signs of jealousy
And seems upset by the new arrival, these homeopathic remedies can help:
Lachesis - Classic sibling jealousy, this remedy can present with intense emotions, suspicion, and a desire for revenge. These children may feel betrayed and show envy and jealousy through anger, possessiveness, and fear of abandonment.
Pulsatilla - These children can be possessive and may display emotional clinginess, a need for attention and validation, a tendency to cry easily, and have a fear of abandonment.
Medhorrinum - This remedy is suited for extreme jealousy. These children can be mean and cruel, coupled with high energy which can lead to frequent quarrels, screaming matches and out-and-out fighting. They are worse from contradiction and may throw things, even at their parents, or physically hit parents, siblings or friends.
Chamomilla - These children are typically whiny and irritable. They demand attention.
Nothing pleases them, they say they want something, then once they have it, they throw it away or want something else. They may get a flushed face or have one cheek red and the other pale.
Ignatia - This remedy can help if the child seems sad and even depressed. They may have lost their spark and seem gloomy, nothing makes them happy. They may sigh a lot or seem extra emotional.
These are a few suggestions of remedies that can help. There are many others, and the best remedy match is always found by specifically matching individual symptoms. I have also found Bach Flower blends can be a tremendous help, especially for younger children.
If you’d like more guidance for this, or any other issue, feel free to book an appointment with me. I work with people and pets locally and worldwide, via Zoom.
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In wellness, Kirsty xo
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